Absolutely Nothing, but Everything at the Same Time

Today is the day before my birthday. My eighteenth birthday. 

Today is the day I broke a promise to my ex. 

Today is the day I gave up. 

Today is the day...

Have you ever felt so bad that you just wanted everything to be done? Completely erased from the existence of life. Pried from the deceased hands of pure life and tossed into a field of non-existence. My day was completely ruined and I am breaking promise number two on a promise list I once made with my ex. I am leaving. I am leaving his life and I am shredding memories so it's as if I never existed. I have never tried mentally forcing myself to die, but let me tell you, it does not work. I mean, it works if all you're trying to accomplish is forming a very painful headache. I am giving up on trying to make other people happy if the mission is impossible. I can only heal your wounds with my words, for I am not God. 

I do not possess supernatural powers to vanish your worries. 

I do not possess incredible super strength to fight off your insecurities.

I do not possess the knowledge to give you the correct answers to all of your questions.

I do possess a heart of gold that will rip through titanium to find the supernatural powers to vanish your worries. The super strength to fight off your insecurities. To FIND the correct answers to your questions. 

I do possess a heart of gold that will LOVE every individual that steps into this world. 

I do possess a heart of gold that will one day love a special someone like no other has loved before. 

I DO POSSESS A HEART OF GOLD THAT WILL HELP WHEN YOU ARE IN NEED. 

Today is the day. The last day I will be 17 years old. The last day I will live on this earth as a young girl that is afraid to live out her dreams, afraid to say what she wants to say, afraid to live, afraid to die, afraid to love, afraid to give, afraid to receive, afraid to control, afraid to learn, afraid to think.

Tomorrow I become a young woman that let's go of her fears and steps into a realm change. For the better. Tomorrow is the process of setting my past free and grabbing hold of the future. 

My life is in my hands. 

xoxo

A New Beginning

I find it hilarious that I stop blogging... and then start blogging again around my birthday every year. I turn 18 in February, and I am trying to make that transition from supposed-to-be-reckless-teenager to a young lady that has this mysterious yet adventurous vibe to her (me). I want to change! But at the same time still hold on to what I am and what I'm about, which, obviously won't EVER change. I would say you'd probably know this by now but I actually went ahead and deleted ALL of my previous posts, which I am starting to regret. I guess it's just out with the old and in with the new, right? I guess a formal introduction for my new blog would be appropriate, so....

My name is       ! Maybe one day I'll reveal my identity but that day is not today! I am currently 17 and struggling to make it past my senior year of high school, I am employed, I love to write, sing, laugh, and love. I have a passion (sort of) for American Sign Language (ASL), I breathe music. I have a very adventurous imagination that runs away without me... haha. On a serious note, I am living with this magical brain condition that gives me super brain powers which enables me to move things around using my mind! It's CRAZY! It's called Hydrocephalus, and no, it unfortunately does not give me any magical brain powers of any sort, maybe just magical headaches because they magically appear out of nowhere. That's about as magical as it gets. It was caused by a brain tumor called a low-grade glioma. I had surgery in April of 2012, they had to speed up the process or else I would've went blind. Unfortunately they did not remove the tumor because they cannot get to it, for it is in an extremely sensitive spot in my brain. WOOOOO!

Enough with the serious business though, that's no fun to talk about. I suppose this shall suffice for a second first blog post :) 

Lesson of the Day: 
Be better than you were yesterday.