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Thursday, January 31, 2013

Absolutely Nothing, but Everything at the Same Time

Today is the day before my birthday. My eighteenth birthday. 

Today is the day I broke a promise to my ex. 

Today is the day I gave up. 

Today is the day...

Have you ever felt so bad that you just wanted everything to be done? Completely erased from the existence of life. Pried from the deceased hands of pure life and tossed into a field of non-existence. My day was completely ruined and I am breaking promise number two on a promise list I once made with my ex. I am leaving. I am leaving his life and I am shredding memories so it's as if I never existed. I have never tried mentally forcing myself to die, but let me tell you, it does not work. I mean, it works if all you're trying to accomplish is forming a very painful headache. I am giving up on trying to make other people happy if the mission is impossible. I can only heal your wounds with my words, for I am not God. 

I do not possess supernatural powers to vanish your worries. 

I do not possess incredible super strength to fight off your insecurities.

I do not possess the knowledge to give you the correct answers to all of your questions.

I do possess a heart of gold that will rip through titanium to find the supernatural powers to vanish your worries. The super strength to fight off your insecurities. To FIND the correct answers to your questions. 

I do possess a heart of gold that will LOVE every individual that steps into this world. 

I do possess a heart of gold that will one day love a special someone like no other has loved before. 

I DO POSSESS A HEART OF GOLD THAT WILL HELP WHEN YOU ARE IN NEED. 

Today is the day. The last day I will be 17 years old. The last day I will live on this earth as a young girl that is afraid to live out her dreams, afraid to say what she wants to say, afraid to live, afraid to die, afraid to love, afraid to give, afraid to receive, afraid to control, afraid to learn, afraid to think.

Tomorrow I become a young woman that let's go of her fears and steps into a realm change. For the better. Tomorrow is the process of setting my past free and grabbing hold of the future. 

My life is in my hands. 

xoxo

2 comments:

Amenah said...

I'm happy for you. ♥

Treebytheriver said...

Does that mean... Happy Birthday?
Hope you find meaning in your life, getting past everything else that seems so enticing but turns out to be just mist.
Thanks for following my blog by the way, hope you enjoy it!

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