Saturday, December 15, 2012

Ever Changing

I am constantly rearranging my mind. Just always trying to reprogram it so I can think of an alternative career to singing, but I keep coming back to it. I've changed my mind about it at least 18 times just to change it back. I don't understand why I cannot find anything else in this huge world that takes my interest and locks it up so I can't take it back. IT'S SO FRUSTRATING. I graduate in about 7 months. Everyone is submitting college applications, receiving scholarships, getting acceptance letters, while I am stuck here, rotting in my very own uncertainty about what I want to do with my life. I do have a plan, but I don't know how good my plan is. I suppose I should just try to get through high school first, and THEN think of things to do, but I don't want time to fly forward 5 years and I'm still pondering what it is I want to do. 

I've been trying to live in the moment as much as I can, but career wise, I only exist in the future. I don't understand why it's so hard for me. I mean, I know not everyone knows what they want to do with their life, but I am not like everyone else. I am me. I don't have to follow their pattern, I can create my own. 
This is a bit off topic but I feel like talking about this. I really need to let it out. At least have one person trace my thoughts on a screen. I am in love with old ways, and I recently met someone who is on the same page as me. We're still different, which is great, but we're similar also. I wish more teenagers looked at life like this. Nowadays everyone is wrapped up in technology and Facebook; that is lost time. And, "Lost time is never found again" -- Ben Franklin. I know, in a way I could be contradicting myself seems as how I'm currently using the internet, writing on blogger... but to me blogger is different! You get to write about your life ;) or better yet anything you want! It's not as time consuming as Facebook. I've just been thinking a lot about how life is changing as we introduce all these high-tech bidness into the world. Seriously, sixth graders have iPhones now, what's up with that? 

Lesson of the day:
Trust yourself. Don't be afraid to say what you want to say, it only takes 20 seconds of courage :)

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