Ever Changing

I am constantly rearranging my mind. Just always trying to reprogram it so I can think of an alternative career to singing, but I keep coming back to it. I've changed my mind about it at least 18 times just to change it back. I don't understand why I cannot find anything else in this huge world that takes my interest and locks it up so I can't take it back. IT'S SO FRUSTRATING. I graduate in about 7 months. Everyone is submitting college applications, receiving scholarships, getting acceptance letters, while I am stuck here, rotting in my very own uncertainty about what I want to do with my life. I do have a plan, but I don't know how good my plan is. I suppose I should just try to get through high school first, and THEN think of things to do, but I don't want time to fly forward 5 years and I'm still pondering what it is I want to do. 

I've been trying to live in the moment as much as I can, but career wise, I only exist in the future. I don't understand why it's so hard for me. I mean, I know not everyone knows what they want to do with their life, but I am not like everyone else. I am me. I don't have to follow their pattern, I can create my own. 
This is a bit off topic but I feel like talking about this. I really need to let it out. At least have one person trace my thoughts on a screen. I am in love with old ways, and I recently met someone who is on the same page as me. We're still different, which is great, but we're similar also. I wish more teenagers looked at life like this. Nowadays everyone is wrapped up in technology and Facebook; that is lost time. And, "Lost time is never found again" -- Ben Franklin. I know, in a way I could be contradicting myself seems as how I'm currently using the internet, writing on blogger... but to me blogger is different! You get to write about your life ;) or better yet anything you want! It's not as time consuming as Facebook. I've just been thinking a lot about how life is changing as we introduce all these high-tech bidness into the world. Seriously, sixth graders have iPhones now, what's up with that? 

Lesson of the day:

Trust yourself. Don't be afraid to say what you want to say, it only takes 20 seconds of courage :)

Hydrocephalus Awareness

Hydrocephalus is a brain condition (no, it's not a sexually transmitted disease) where there is a build up of Cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) on the brain. People can be born with it, or they can be diagnosed with it later in life (like me). This is what Hydrocephalus looks like:

This is my brain before my surgery, since then it has gotten a lot better than what it was, but it's still not normal. In my case, this was caused by a brain tumor. Now, there are two ways to treat Hydro, but there are no ways to cure it (so this will consume my life). The first way to treat it would be to get a shunt in place. A shunt is a tube which, in this case, runs from the brain to the stomach. I am currently not shunted but there is always a chance I can be in the future. The second way, which is the direction my surgeon decided to go with, is called a third ventriculostomy. I know, I'll give you a moment to process that word. In simple terms, it's basically a procedure in which there is a hole made in the third ventricle. All of that black space is definitely NOT normal in case you were wondering ;D 

Lesson of the day:

 No matter what you are going through, even if the forces of destiny try to restrain you with burning ropes that tie your hands together, you can always make it through. But the only way you can make it through your struggle, is if you NEVER. GIVE. UP. Because when you’ve hit the darkest point in your journey, that’s when you know you’ll see the light again.